Forever Moved

It's been a while since I have seen her but I got a call from her asking for some 'girl time'. John and I both felt we could be civil to each other and felt the visit was OK . I jumped at the chance to see her and off we went to the park.

We left her dad at home and she grabbed my hand so tight as we walked....

She loves the monkey bars but eventually she moved on to the slide. We played and played and played and played.



She looked so comfortable and it was such a beautiful day that I thought I would join her while she rested.We giggled but didn't talk a lot. We just laid there feeling the breeze.

We looked up at the sky. "Isn't it pretty Mae?"

Stated matter of fact she responded, "God made it."

"Yeah, God made everything." I tell her as I'm thinking how surprised I was that she mentioned God being her father is a vocal atheist and has been known to argue the existence of God with her.

"God made me for you. I loved you before I was borned." She proclaimed as she ran off across the bridge.

Tears streamed down my face as I tried to grasp the words she had shared with me. Seeing me upset she of course had to 'cheer me up' and I explained to her that I wasn't sad but very happy that we got to see each other.

She'd understand some day.

I know that there is a possibility that John and I will never reconcile and if we ever do it will be a long while but Mae and I will always be together. We will find a way.

I know I can't have children. I know I'm not a mother and may never be. I know I am not her mother but in my heart she is my daughter.

Always.