Mae

If you aren't a long time reader of this blog, I met her when she was 4 years old. Her and dedicated dad had recently moved from Okinawa, Japan after a divorce and bitter custody battle. However after a joint custody ruling and not really being a steady thing in her young life her mother had just left for Army boot camp and was going to be gone a year.

Baffling to adults as it is, I can only imagine how her young mind and fragile heart interpreted this extremely traumatic thing. Traumatic for a child of any age. It was only two short months after this happened to Mae that I met her.

I like to think of myself as someone kids find approachable and loving. I truly feel as children are the most pure form of love this world has to offer. Their souls are the closest thing to what some might call heaven or God. I feel this to my core and have since I myself was a child. At times, I can still feel that connection when I'm playing with any child. It's intoxicating and free to know that they are not judging you. They have no motivation about being with you other than learning, playing and loving you. Their light within brightens my heart no matter how dark and alone I may feel.

Perhaps because I feel this way about kids, this is why children approach me and like me. In general, children warm up quickly to me. It's comforting and most kids are very affectionate and trusting in this manner.

As approachable and caring about kids as I think I am, Mae was not my biggest fan. Dating her father, someone that she spent most of her waking hours with due to the absence of her mother during the marriage and divorce, I was her enemy.

She was used to hearing that her dad was gonna be taken away. At two and three years old, the divorce and custody battle were brutal to say the least and it had taken it's toll on both Mae and her father. It was clear there was damage done to both. John was financially ruined, lost his four year military career that he loved dearly and was stuck in a deep depression and Mae, well Mae was accustom to protecting the only steady thing in her young life.

Her dad.

She was the feistiest little four year old I had ever met. She wasn't shy about telling anyone and everyone how she felt. She was angry. She demanded. She ordered. She showed no respect to ANY adult. She argued. She mistrusted. She was un-affectionate. She showed little emotion. She REFUSED to share toys. It had been her and dad alone in Japan for nearly two years before she had to share him. Trust me, this was not something she was gonna do without a fight.

And fight she did.

I couldn't sit next to him. I couldn't hug him, kiss him or even sit on the same couch as him in her presence without her physically pushing me away, crying or screaming, "GET AWAY FROM MY DAD! THAT'S MY DAD, NOT YOUR DAD!"

My heart sank each time I heard the pain in her voice or saw her react. She truly thought I or anyone else for that matter was going to take him away from her and she would be alone. I can't tell you how many times both John and I had to repeat that, "I have my own dad. Your dad is your dad and no one is every gonna change that. He can love both of us. It's OK." With the loss of her mother so close and the introduction of me into her life, I can only imagine the confusion she felt.

Granted, John and I thought long and hard prior to the introduction. We had been dating three months already and felt that we would be a long term thing. Because of this we felt it was important to slowly introduce me into her life.

We started with public places, nothing more than an hour or two and we showed no affection towards each other. In time we added what she would allow or felt comfortable with. They moved in and after nearly a year later and a frustrating time for all involved Mae and I had a 'chat'.

This chat was a turning point for Mae and I. Either she shared her dad or things were never gonna work.

I worked hard to be the mother she didn't have. I worked hard to show her that I loved her no matter what she did, how she felt, or who she was. We played together, laughed together, and grew together.

Cried together.

In time, she trusted me, respected me, shared with me and after a year of living with her she hugged me on her own accord. Words can't describe the feelings that one hug conveyed to me.

She loved me.