Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT  
You have two cows.
Your  neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.  
 
REPUBLICAN  
You have two cows.
Your  neighbor has none.
So?  
 
SOCIALIST  
You have two cows.
The  government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You  form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.  
 
COMMUNIST  
You have two  cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with  milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is  expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM,  AMERICAN STYLE  
You have two cows.
You  sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.  
 
BUREAUCRACY,  AMERICAN STYLE  
You have two cows.
Under  the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk  the other,  
 and then pours the milk down  the drain.  
 
AMERICAN  CORPORATION  
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on  the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk  of four cows.
You are surprised when one  cow drops dead.  
 You spin an announcement to  the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing  expenses.
Your stock goes up.  
 
FRENCH  CORPORATION  
You have two cows.
You go  on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.  
 
JAPANESE  CORPORATION  
You have two cows.
You  redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow  and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel  on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their  class at cow school.  
 
GERMAN  CORPORATION  
You have two  cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots  of beer, give excellent quality milk,  
 and run a hundred miles an  hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation  per year.  
 
ITALIAN  CORPORATION  
You have two cows but you  don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life  is good.  
 
RUSSIAN  CORPORATION  
You have two cows.
You  have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five  cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again  and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes  over however many cows you really have.  
 
TALIBAN  CORPORATION  
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't  milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find  
 alternatives to milk production but use  the money to buy weapons.  
 
IRAQI  CORPORATION  
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their  mooing.  
 
POLISH  CORPORATION  
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.  
 
BELGIAN  CORPORATION  
You have one cow.
The cow  is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other  times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's  milk..
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The  cow dies happy.  
 
FLORIDA  CORPORATION  
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from  out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking  cow.  
 
CALIFORNIA  CORPORATION  
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are  illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.