Where Am I?

I don't feel like myself anymore. My body is not longer my own as I have remember it the last 35 years. The last year of my life has been probably the most traumatic in my life without the loss of a loved one.

I mean, things can always be worse so don't think I don't realize this. I'm blessed compared to so many people out there. That being said - why can't I be happy?

I realize that I am in a major depression - be it chemical issues or it a direct result from my personal life. I'm in the dark.

I have a great job. (thankfully)
I have a home.
I have not had a major illness for 2 months now. (crossing fingers)
I am catching up on my bills.
I have a great car.
I have good friends and family.
I lost 4 pounds this week....

These things are nothing to be sad about... yet I'm lost.

I know that genetically, I am prone to this type of thing. I get it but I'm so done with it. I hate that I can't control my emotions and I just don't want to add another medicine to my daily drug store.

ugh....

I'll get through this....