I am.
I didn’t think I would be this time around but I think I’m more nervous this time than I was the last time. I know I’m going to be in the hands of the best doctors in the world yet I’m afraid.
Afraid.
Afraid of the pain, the complications, the needles and the “this is only gonna hurt for a second”. It never does.
Last time I was in so much pain that I was eager to get in there and didn’t care about the out come. I figured that even death would feel better than how I felt.
This time it’s different. There is more to lose; more to miss if I’m not around. No matter how I want to look at it. I’m a “Jacque!!” i.e. in her eyes –a step-mom. I may not be her real mother but I play one in real life. Today is her first day of kindergarten. The day I leave.
I can’t imagine not being with my two favorite people. It’s not often that one finds happiness; it would be a shame to lose it now.
The nerves must subside so that the optimism can beam. This is only a moment in my life that will be looked back on and I’ll wonder, “Why did I worry so much?”
Everything is gonna be ok.
Seriously.
2 comments:
I don't know the details here. But if it's what I think it is, then you should be fine Jacque. I'll be thinking and hoping for your quick recovery! All the best. Hugs.
Good luck--of course there are a lot of things that truly suck about it, but there is an overall benefit that if it didn't exist, you wouldn't go through with this.
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