It's The Truth...

Last night I weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting and lost another 2.8 pounds. This means I have lost a total of 35 pounds total with 17.8 of that weight being lost through weight watchers.

I'm proud of myself.

I have achieved something that I didn't think was possible. Not because I didn't want to do it but because I didn't believe I could. I actually didn't even want to join. I thought about it for over a year and felt as if I would be seeking a new low if I admitted I needed to pay someone to help me learn how to eat.

I mean, I grew up with a mother on Weight Watchers. At one point she lost the weight she wanted too and mainted it for years. In some crazy way, I felt as if only older people had to join Weight Watchers. As if it was a club for mom's or something.

Even though my mother had prepared our food according to weight watchers all of my young life I have always struggled with weight. Although I struggled as a kid - I didn't get fat until I left home and had to fend for myself. I chose the wrong foods. I didn't eat enough of the right foods. If I lost weight it was because I either couldn't afford to eat or I was sick and couldn't eat.

I'm hungry all the time and always have been.

After my divorce (10 years ago) I was my heaviest in my life. I was determined to do something and I did. I lost 60 pounds with diet and exercise but somewhere along the way I became ill and lost another 30 because my appetite wasn't there anymore.

Once I was better, I slowly gained the weight back. Why? Because I was complacent. I forgot that I still needed to pay attention to the food around me. I didn't and I grew to be 14 pounds shy of my heaviest weight again.

It was at this point where I knew I had to change something in my life and make it permanent. I would look in the mirror and get sick to my stomach at what I saw. Pictures were horrendous to look at and made me feel horrible. I hated myself - the way I looked and they way I felt. I wasn't who I thought I was when I looked in that mirror.

I made a commitment to exercise thinking that if I exercised like a fiend I would be able to still eat whatever it is that I wanted. So last October I started my quest to lose the weight that I had so easily put back on after my huge loss.

I rollerbladed 12-13 miles every other day and walked a few miles on a the off days for months. With my weak heart and my lack of oxygen this kind of exercise is detrimental to my health. The amount of pain I endured after the endorphins turned off was awful. I could feel my body rejecting my weight loss plan.

Once the Rollerdome season was over and I completed my half marathon (6 minutes faster than last year I might add...) I maintained my exercise by walking. This was going ok until I injured my knee at my nephews house jumping on the trampoline.

I couldn't exercise for weeks. In the first week - I gained 7 pounds back of the 23 pounds I had lost since October. In one week I ruined months of work.

I was devastated.

I had to see a physical therapist. The blately rude comments he made to me regarding my weight - stung. It hurt deeply and it made me so angry that someone felt they could talk to me in such a way just because I struggled with my weight.

It wasn't like I wasn't trying? I mean, I worked my ass off for MONTHS to get to the weight I was. Although, that didn't matter to him. In fact, it doesn't matter to anyone really. What people see is what they see. First impressions are what they are and people assume what they will even if it's hurtful or cruel.

I knew I couldn't lose weight without help any longer. I needed help - help that I KNEW was going to work because I had seen my mother and extended family members be successful at it.

I joined Weight Watchers. The place I felt so embarrassed to admit I needed to go to - so embarrassed that I didn't tell a soul I joined for the first few weeks I joined.

Not even my family.

I'm no longer embarrassed. In fact, I have never been so proud of myself. I have a problem with food and I'm not alone - over half of America has a problem with food. I'm doing something about it and that is something to be proud of.

The best part of all of this is that it's EASY. It's simple to make the right choices when I get such great results. I am doing an 1/8 of the exercise I used too and I'm STILL melting away. It's empowering and makes me feel good about my decision.

The only thing I regret is "Why didn't I join sooner?"