I Alive.

But tired.

I think it was 4am this morning when I finally got some sleep. I was just to excited to think about bed. I haven't had that much fun in YEARS.

I mean, I wasn't drunk - maybe buzzed slighty but that was all I needed to let down my gaurd and have a good time. Plus, I got to go dancing and although I tell myself that I can't dance - I love to do it.

Even though we were at two gay bars (of the three we were at) I still had straight men hit on me. Like real live ones.

I know they were probably drunk as hell but it still made me feel good. It's not often the chubby girls gets that kind of attention. Maybe I'm not as chubby as I think anymore.

I still have so far to go. Too far at times I think. It makes me want to stop all this but I know I can't. I want to see my nieces grow up and have babies. I want to give my nephew hell when he has his first little brat...

I just wanna be there to see who they are gonna be. I can't do that if I'm not healthy enough to stay.

I can't wait until I'm 50....