Dear Mother Fricken Nature.

I write to you in disgust as I sweat my guts out just sitting here in a so-called air-conditioned office building. If you take a look at our weekend forecast you will see why I'm so irate but I'm sure you being 'all knowing' and all that crap - you already know what I'm talking about.

I realize that you have to 'change things up' a bit to keep everyone on their toes and maintain your 'control' over the entire planet but isn't their a way we can all just get a long? Enough is enough!

I'm not like the Arizona, California & Florida peeps you are so found of frying the crap out of. I'm a Minnesotan ok? That means I get upset when the weather fluctuates above 72 degrees and I sure as hell don't care for the thing you insist on calling humidity.

I like the cold; in fact, I welcome it! Which brings me to the topic of our winters the last few years. Have you forgotten that we expect the snow here? I mean, yes, we got snow but did it last? Were we plowing it into 8 foot high piles on the corners and cursing when we were trying to make a left hand turn into traffic?

NO. We were not, okay?!? There was nothing!

I mean, I was only allowed to make one snowman before you decided to melt the crap out of it in a few days. Being we had to endure the joke you called winter I would imagine that you would give a break and let us deal with a half way decent summer, ya know?

Am I asking for a polar shift? NO. I'm not. It's not like it's gonna kill you to give us a few cooler days so we can maybe do some exercising or gardening outside without wondering if we're gonna keel over if we don't drink a gallon or two of Gatorade.

Maybe it's possible you are in cahoots with the Gatorade people? Are you in negotiations for a contract to sell more product? I mean, I could see this being some sort of incentive on your part to keep up this monstrosity of a heat wave you are condemning us with.

100 degrees? Are you kidding me with this?

Sweating my guts off in Minnesotan hell,

Kid Jacque