You're from rural Minnesota if.....

I’m not from rural Minnesota but my extended family is and I have spent an awful lot of time up there. (or should I be saying ‘upnort’) So this gives you an idea of how much I know about country life verses my suburbanite upbringing here in Minnesota.

 

The town you grew up in had a bar called Ma's Place.

My aunt OWNED a bar called Ma’s place in Spring Hill which is one road long up north about an hour and a half. I have NO idea if Blaine ever had a bar named this.

 

You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

I can play a polka on my accordion (yes MY accordion) with my eyes closed and me and my younger sister N can do a mean chicken dance but she can’t polka worth crap drunk or sober.

FFA was the most popular club in high school.

This doesn’t pertain to me but my mom and dad can tell you all about. It stands for Future Farmers Association (or ‘of America).  This club did not exists in my schools.  I know people that have never seen a real cow.

You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

I’ve never farmed a day in my life but they are talking about how high the corn stalks are. 

You know it's traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.

When I got married I didn’t do this but I remember for my older sister we did….

You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.

I bought one when I was 17 for my car….

You can recognize someone from Iowa by their driving.
I can’t but my mom can.  She can even tell if it’s a man or a woman. It’s like she is a psychic car driver.

You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.

It’s true.  I have.

You spent more on beer than you did on food at your wedding.

It was close!!

You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter.

I know people who say this and have been known to say it myself on occasion.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

…. No I don’t.

You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair.

Nope I don’t but I bet maybe some of my cousin’s might.  Maybe.

 

You know that "combine" is a noun.

I have never combined in my life but I know people who do.

You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

… no, this never happened but on occasion my zipper got stuck to my tongue at the bus stop.

You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

I have to admit, until I was about 17, I thought this was true.  I didn’t understand why other people talked about other religions.  It was like, what was the point?

You know that creek rhymes with pick.

Crick – creek – tomato – tamato… blah blah blah…

Hunting & fishing openers are checked before wedding dates are set.

This is true.  Girls have girls weekend on these dates in our family.

 

A Friday night date is taking you girlfriend shining for deer.

Ok.  I know this has never happened with me so I’m not that rural.  Suburbanites UNITE!

Saturday you go the local bowling ally.

The only time we went to the bowling ally is when my mom bowled in a league.  They played cartoons on a film projector in the ballroom portion of the place and gave us vanilla wafers to shut us up so that the mom’s could bowl in peace.

There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning...phew!

Nope, not me but my mom did and she told us about it frequently.

You have driven your car on a lake.

Yes!!!  I never did it again though because I was so scared.  I heard the ice cracking as I drove and that isn’t something I ever want to experience again.  (I guess this sound is normal but to me there is nothing ‘normal’ about sounds of ice cracking when you are driving on it.)  However, my older sister and her family live on the ice a couple weekends of the winter months.  They have a really nice ice-fish house for it.

You can make sense out of the word "upnort" and "batree."

Up North and Battery, what’s not to understand?

You always believed that vacation meant "going up North."

Pretty much but then again we only went ‘on vacation’ once in my childhood….

At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey poky & the chicken dance.

This is true. Other people don’t do this?

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

Well, my definition of a small town is one smaller than Blaine where I grew up and that had 26,000 people in it.  I would have to say that the towns my parents and extended family grew up in were minuscule in comparison.  I mean, seriously, I think Lake Henry had 90 people… or is that Spring Hill?   Are these towns even on maps?

The local gas station sells live bait.

My parents don’t fish, hunt, camp or ‘vacation’ so really, my first experiences with any of these things was through boyfriends or friends.  I thought it was odd that they would sell critters when you got gas.  I didn’t know what it was for.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

This is another thing that I didn’t experience until I visited my older sister L and her family after deer hunting season.  I have written about it before.  The ‘smoking’ parties they have are really fun.  They cut up or grind up all the deer and make jerky.  In fact, they made some sliced venison jerky while I was up there this weekend.

Your mom asks, "Were you born in a barn?" and you know exactly what she means.

It means SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!

You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.

I am told by some that this is true.

Pop is not only what you call your dad, but is the ONLY name for soda.

The first time I heard the word soda used to refer to pop was when I was dating a guy that had just moved to Minnesota from West Virginia.  He was amazed that we said pop instead of soda.  I didn’t understand what he was talking about for the first few minutes of the conversation only because I didn’t know what soda was…..