Reflections....

All my life I have been in and out of them. Until my divorce seven years ago, from the time I was 12 years old I had always been in a relationship. After my divorce, I dated a few people here and there and some lasted for months at a time but nothing panned out.

Pretty much every single relationship, including friendships of many years, had ended. At some point or another they lied, cheated or simply decided my value meant nothing to them. I admit, a certain point in my life, I was difficult. I was sick, my behavior irrational but contained. With time, I got better.

In fact, after I was sick and started feeling ok. My life was in shambles. I had lost everyone that ever meant anything to me and was verge of losing everything else too. A years worth of doctor bills waited for me. Some I could pay as I went, others had to wait. Food and heat meant more.

The money problems were nothing compared to what I had lost emotionally. People I called friends were fluff when times got tough. When my hand reached for someone....Anyone to help me up, I found only one. It wasn't the one I expected and at the time not even the one I wanted. But there it was and I grabbed on tight.

I have learned more in the last two years without a romantic relationship than I have the 12 years with one. I have seen what's inside of me and it's not all bad. I mean, we all have our issues right? I see myself as having value for the first time in my life, not because someone else thinks I do but because I think I do.

It feels good.