I, Anastasia Beaverhousen (AKA. Kid, Kiddo, Kid Jacque, Aunty J, J, Jacque, Jacqueline, Hey you and Jack), took upon myself to interview my family on a recent visit. Each interview was held separately with each subject. All subjects received the same questions. The answers are simple, truthful and real. Welcome to my twisted world.......
Megan
My niece. My Godchild. My older sister Lisa's oldest daughter.
Emma
My niece. My older sister Lisa's middle daughter.
Lizzy
My niece. My older sister Lisa's youngest daughter.
Dylan
My nephew. My younger sisters son.
Nicole AKA Nikki
My younger sister. One child. Married.
Vagina Montague AKA Lisa
My older sister. Three children. Married.
Beverly Annabertquetti AKA Bev
My mother. Three children. Married.
1.) How old are you?
Megan: 8, turning 9. I'm 8 1/2.
Emma: 5, I mean 6.
Lizzy: (holds 4 fingers up)
Dylan: (holds 5 fingers up)
Nicole Luv: 29
Vagina Montague:33 (pronounced "terty-tree")
Beverly Annabertquetti:Old enough....
2.) What is your natural hair color?
Megan: Brown, blonde.
Emma: Yellow, blonde.
Lizzy: (pulls strand of hair in front of her eyes) Brown.
Dylan: Brown.
Nicole Luv:Blonde.....Ok....Brown......ish blonde.
Vagina Montague: Well, what do you see??......Brown.
Beverly Annabertquetti:They are black with a silver sheen......
3.) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Megan:Nurse and a Teacher.
Emma:ballerina
Lizzy:A mom
Dylan:Batman
Nicole Luv:A Travel Agent
Vagina Montague:Left Alone......
Beverly Annabertquetti:Older.....
4.) How do you make Chocolate Chip Cookies?
Megan:Eggs, Chocolate Chips, Vinegar, Cup of milk,....Sugar, Brown Sugar and you put them in the oven.
Emma:I don't know.....
Lizzy:I don't know.... An orange, some nuts, and some ummmmm peanuts, and chocolate chips. I like them.
Dylan:I don't know how.
Nicole Luv:With flour, sugar, baking soda, lots of vanilla, brown sugar, chocolate chips, eggs...stir it, put it in little blobs and throw it in the oven. 10 minutes on the top rack. 10 minutes on the bottom rack. It depends. YA GOTTA WATCH the COOKIES!
Vagina Montague:You go to the store and buy them.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I usually don't make Chocolate Chip cookies unless someone is coming over because they are not my favorite cookies.
5.) If you were a movie star, who would you be and why?
Megan:Britney Spears because she is a good singer.
Emma:I don't know because I just don't know.....
Lizzy:Nikki because I could stay up late.
Dylan:Batman because I like him.
Nicole Luv:Me because I'm beautiful and I would be nice to people.
Vagina Montague:I would be me because I can't change.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I wouldn't be a movie star because I'm already princess of my planet. I just read about it the other day but I forgot the name of it.
6.)If you were a movie star, what would you have in your dressing room?
Megan:Nail polish, a brush, hair clips and a mirror.
Emma:Some kool aid, a dress, a bubble bath, a slingy and a microphone.
Lizzy:A dress and some combs, some clothes and some mirrors.
Dylan:A computer and a bath because you really need a bath in them.
Nicole Luv:OK! I would have lots of candy, a guy in the corner, a bubble bath, some fancy clothes and some Malibu.
Vagina Montague:Diamonds of course, make up and my butler.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Lots of crossword puzzles, a pencil and a bed to lay on while I did them.
7.)If you had your choice what would you live in: House, Apartment, Townhome or Condo and why?
Megan:A house because there is more room and your own yard.
Emma:A house because there are no people around.
Lizzy:An apartment because you are safe and sound in them.
Dylan:An apartment because my best friend is there.
Nicole Luv:A large townhome because you get a yard and a house and they are not as much work.
Vagina Montague:For me or me myself and the kids? Me..... then a condo because you won't have to mow.
Beverly Annabertquetti:An apartment because it's cozy and you can shut the door and no one knows you are home.
8.)How much money would you like to make a month?
Megan:50 Million dollars
Emma:2,000 dollars
Lizzy:Oh I have money, here you go......oh....8 dollars.
Dylan:Umm like 20 dollars
Nicole Luv:10,000 dollars
Vagina Montague:20,000 dollars
Beverly Annabertquetti:You know I could go on and on with this question. I think we should live off the land in the mountains. Who needs shopping? You could make your own clothes. If you had a bug rhubarb plant you could take a big leaf, dry it and sew it with some dried grass. You could thread the grass through a twig.
9.) Of that monthly income, how much of it would you spend on rent?
Megan:$100.00
Emma:$100.00
Lizzy:$8.00
Dylan:$0.00
Nicole Luv:$1,000.00
Vagina Montague:$1,500.00
Beverly Annabertquetti: RENT?! You mean for that apartment? They would have to kick me out. I would trade, barter and make them gifts.
10.)Of that monthly income, how much of it would you spend on food?
Megan:$30.00
Emma:$20.00
Lizzy:$8.00
Dylan:Maybe $10.00
Nicole Luv:$700.00 - that includes dining out.
Vagina Montague:$500.00
Beverly Annabertquetti:I wouldn't spend because I would grow everything in my garden.
11.)Of that monthly income, how much of it would you spend on electric?
Megan:$200.00
Emma:$2,000.00
Lizzy:$8.00
Dylan:Maybe $6.00
Nicole Luv:$100.00
Vagina Montague:$150.00
Beverly Annabertquetti:I wouldn't need electricity. I would have candle lit which I would make from the bees that flew in my garden.
12.) Of that monthly income, how much of it would you spend on heat?
Megan:$300.00
Emma:2 milion
Lizzy:$7.00
Dylan:Maybe $10.00
Nicole Luv:$100.00
Vagina Montague:Well that's only 6 months out of the year. ......$150.00
Beverly Annabertquetti:HEAT?! Well would I be in the apartment or in the mountains? Mountains I would use wood for my stove.
13.) Of that monthly income, how much of it would you spend on gas for your vehicles?
Megan:$200.00
Emma:$6.00
Lizzy:$25.00
Dylan:Maybe $6.00
Nicole Luv:$1,000.00
Vagina Montague:$250.00
Beverly Annabertquetti:I wouldn't have gas or use it for anything.
14.)If you had extra money left over what would you spend it on?
Megan:Clothes, plants, toys and decorations.
Emma:I'd say a car, 4 wheeler, my hospital bills if I ever get hurt. I have a dollar in my pocket.....seeee?
Lizzy:Bubblegum and pop.
Dylan:More toys and new Batman stuff.
Nicole Luv:Another house in a warmer state. I would take more vacations and I'd buy everything I wanted.
Vagina Montague:I would go on vacation and buy furniture.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I would go on a vacation.
15.) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Megan:(embarrassed) NO! (sister Emma proclaims "YES, What about COLTON? What about John? What about Nick? What about Devon?...they are JUST FRIEND? BOOOOYYYY FRIENDS THAT IS!" while counting on her fingers) NO! I don't have a boyfriend! [later Megan took the interview pad and erased Colton and Devon which leads me to assume that Nick and John are contenders....]
Emma:No.
Lizzy:No. Actually, I do....Jacob.
Dylan:Yes...Annika. We aren't planning on getting married but we are thinking about it. We are thinking about babies too but only for two days.
Nicole Luv:Ya, that would be my husband. His name is BRAIN. Ya, he's cool.
Vagina Montague:No.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Yes, his name is Bob.
16.) When are you planning on getting married? Will it be a big wedding or would you elope and would you have your parents pay for it?
Megan:When I'm 25. It would be a medium one and maybe they would pay.
Emma:NEVER. I would elope and yes, I should would have them pay.
Lizzy:Never. I would elope and I would pay.
Dylan:When I get 21 and she gets 22. We would have a big one and YAH! They would pay.
Nicole Luv:Ya...I already did that. I would elope if I did it again and have a big shindig. I wouldn't ask them to pay because they already did one.
Vagina Montague:Never. I'm going on vacation instead and well YEAH they would have to pay.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Never. If I ever would get married again I would elope and no my parents wouldn't have to pay.
17.) What is your favorite subject and who are/were your favorite teachers?
Megan:Gym and Recess. Mrs. Chelben and Mrs. Zizmer
Emma:Art, Recess and lunch. Mrs. Wood and Mrs. BJ
Lizzy:What is a subject? [explained].....kindergarton cuz I'm in it now. Ms. Lori.
Dylan:Batman. Mrs. Ryan.
Nicole Luv:Math. Sister Caroline
Vagina Montague:In school? Math or history. Mr. Herzog
Beverly Annabertquetti:My children. Mrs. Kramer.
18.) What is your favorite movie?
Megan:The Great Mouse Detective
Emma:Barbie and The Nutcracker
Lizzy:Cinderella
Dylan:I like Batman
Nicole Luv:I don't have one. No I can't remember anything.
Vagina Montague:Probably have to be the Lethal Weapon series.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I don't have one but I liked the Thornbirds.
19.)What is your favorite game?
Megan:Clue
Emma:Monopoly
Lizzy:Cinderella
Dylan:Batman
Nicole Luv:Monopoly
Vagina Montague:Scrabble
Beverly Annabertquetti:Being married.
20.) Who did it in the library with the candlestick?
Megan:Mr. Plum
Emma:I don't know. I never played that game.
Lizzy:No one.
Dylan:Mason and Annika.
Nicole Luv:Professor Plum and Mrs. Scarlet. They did it together......
Vagina Montague:Dad
Beverly Annabertquetti:Jacque
21.) Do you have any brothers and sisters? Do you like them?
Megan:I have two sisters. Lizzy who is 4 and Emma who is 6. I only like them when they are nice.
Emma:I have two sisters. Megan who is 8 and Lizzy who is 4. I don't like her but I like the other one.
Lizzy: I have two sisters. Megan and Emma. One is 5 and I don't know how old the other one is. I don't like Megan. I just like Emma.
Dylan:No but I have cousins and I like them.
Nicole Luv:I have two. Jacque who is old and Lisa who is older. Ya, their cool.
Vagina Montague:Ya?! (look of disbelief) Do I have to answer that at this time? I plead the fifth.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Yes, they are also princesses and princes of my planet. I like them most of the time.
22.)Do you have a best friend?
Megan:Yes, Jessica and Megan F.
Emma:Ya, Kendra.
Lizzy:Kendra, I see her a lot because of Emma. Actually, that's Emma's friend. Jacob is mine.
Dylan:Mason
Nicole Luv:Yup, Christie. 27 years.
Vagina Montague:Ya, Me.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Oh I have so many that I can't pick just one. I like them all. I never did have a BEST friend. I just had lots of friends.
23.)What is your favorite sport?
Megan:Basketball, Soccer and Football.
Emma:Volleyball
Lizzy:What does sport mean? [Explain] oh. Football.
Dylan:I like the twins.
Nicole Luv:Baseball actually but would rather play volleyball.
Vagina Montague:Volleyball.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Working on the computer.
24.)What is your favoritest thing ever?
Megan:Go to Colton's house. (Emma screams "cuz that's your boyfriend") They have a party like everyday and this year we brought a fish house over to party in.
Emma:NOT SCHOOL! Swimming.
Lizzy:Jumping on the trampoline.
Dylan:Playing with Batman toys.
Nicole Luv:Well I don't know. I really don't have one.
Vagina Montague:Chocolate.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Going to the mountains.
25.)What is your favorite color?
Megan:Blue and green.
Emma:Purple and pink.
Lizzy:Red cuz I have it on and purple and pink.
Dylan:Black.
Nicole Luv:Green.
Vagina Montague:Brown or green or cranberry. The warmer color tones minus orange.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Blue.
26.)What color are your eyes?
Megan:Blueish green.
Emma:Blue.
Lizzy:Green and white.
Dylan:Greenish.
Nicole Luv:Greenish blue it depends on what I'm wearing.
Vagina Montague:Grey. That is what it has on my drivers license and how that happened I will never know.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I can't see them. I think they are greenish hazel.
27.)Do you have freckles on your nose?
Megan:Yes, they are called angel kisses.
Emma:NO.
Lizzy:Yes. (points to her shirt ruffles)
Dylan:No.
Nicole Luv:I don't have any.
Vagina Montague:No.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Yes but they are old age spots.
28.)What is your favorite candy?
Megan:Airheads
Emma:Airheads
Lizzy:Bubblegum
Dylan:Fruitrollups for a snack and popsicles.
Nicole Luv:Starbursts.
Vagina Montague:Milkyway.
Beverly Annabertquetti:I really don't have a favorite because on our planet we don't believe in candy. You have to grow your own food.
29.) What do you like to do during the summer?
Megan:I like to go swimming.
Emma:I like to swim.
Lizzy: I like to make snowman.
Dylan:I like to play at the gym.
Nicole Luv: Ya know.....just do family functions......(laughing)
Vagina Montague: I like to play volleyball, swim and go to get togethers.
Beverly Annabertquetti: I like to go on vacation.
30.) If you had the chance to speak to the world, what would you want them to know?
Megan:The rules.
Emma:Be quiet.
Lizzy:....it's on fire.
Dylan:Batman RULES!
Nicole Luv:Just be nice....
Vagina Montague:It doesn't pay to multiply.
Beverly Annabertquetti:Come to my planet. It's a good place.....
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