What I REALLY Want On My Personal Ad

Independent Thinking, Financially Stable, Considerate, Fed Up, Honest, Loyal, Cat-Loving Woman seeking a Co-Dependant/Stalker, Self Absorbed, Desperate, Neanderthal Thinking, Alcohol Preserved, Prevaricating, Disloyal, Cat-Hating, Sports/ Hunting Enthusiast Man.

ABOUT HER is in RED and BLACK
ABOUT HER MATCH is in BLUE and BLACK
Gender: Female - straight
Gender: Male - straight i.e. you like women and only women and men or animals do not attract you in the least.

Location: Minneapolis, MN
Location: Minneapolis, MN i.e. in this state, within the Minnesota border, in the northern portion of the world and within 25 miles of me.

Age: 29 (Aries The Ram - Fire sign on cusp of Taurus and 3rd rock from the Sun - Virgo, Cancer and Pisces need not apply)
Age: 28 - 38 (Aquarius, Sagittarius and Gemini preferred)

Looking for:
Committed You see and only want sleep with me
Just Dating You see and/or sleep with as many people as you wish but make sure you tell me about it so I make an informed decision about you.
Intimate/Physical You are a whore and I and the whole surrounding five state area knows it but your wife or girlfriend you are cheating on. You have more booty then you can keep straight. Please contact me so I can make fun of your moral and corrupt way of thinking.

Marital Status: Divorced
Marital Status: Divorced i.e. not separated, getting late night booty calls from ex-wife, you no longer have a legal marriage in the United States of America to another women/woman or man [see GENDER:] Single i.e. not married, separated, engaged, coupled partnered, conjoined, or seriously involved with a significant other. You do not have a girlfriend, live in lover or have another person of the opposite sex thinking you are her boyfriend or fiance.

Ethnicity: Caucasian
Ethnicity: Any i.e. you are human

Hair: Dyed Auburn to cover Greying Dark Auburn Brown hair
Hair: Any, Bald men welcome (they are people too)

Eyes: Green
Eyes: Any

Body Type: 5 feet 6.5 inches, Athletic body covered in a layer of non athletic mush
Body Type: 5 feet 8 inches - 6 feet 2 inches, Thin, Average, Athletic body covered in a layer of non athletic mush, Athletic, Body Builder i.e. If you are the 'Pre-Subway Jared' type do not respond.

Education: Some College
Education: Some College, College Drop Out, College i.e. Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate (school of hard knocks and high school drop outs need not apply)

Employment: Full Time, $35,000 to $49,999 income
Employment: Full Time, Self Employed, $35,000 to $5,000,000 income

Profession: Buyer
Profession: Any i.e. Legal forms accepted only.

Religion: Reformed Catholic
Religion: Any i.e. with exception of those that require you to have sex with multiple partners, drink blood from a human female sacrifices and hold on to poisonous snakes while chanting "I love Jesus, he is Lord".

Religious Services: Attends services only on Holidays when mother drags me by my ear while I spew out the political and moral reasons why going to church to worship the worst evil known to man is ludicrous. Hypocrisy is not my cup of crap.
Religious Services: Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Only on Holidays, Attends services only on Holidays when mother drags you by your ear while you spew out the political and moral reasons why going to church to worship the worst evil known to man is ludicrous. Hypocrisy is not your cup of crap.

Political Views: Middle of the road
Political Views: Middle of the road i.e. you will not try and debate legal/moral issues such as abortion and animal rights.

Drinking: Drinks Occasionally
Drinking: Does not drink, Drinks Occasionally i.e. only on weeknights, weekends, birthdays, anniversaries, parties, holidays - postal, national, Federal and religious [You are not an Alcoholic and have not attended any 12 step programs]

Smoking: Smokes occasionally
Smoking: Does Not Smoke, Smokes occasionally i.e.only when you drink. (this does not include chewing tobacco)

Kids: No kids
Kids: No kids i.e. There are no children carrying around your DNA in their bodies, you have no babies mammas', you never visit the diaper aisle at the grocery store, and your paycheck is not garnished for child support.

Wants Kids: Not sure on wanting any, Possible Adoption
Wants Kids: No, Not sure on wanting any, Possible Adoption

Interests: Dining · Movies · Music · Outdoor Activities · Reading
Interests: Any i.e. Legal forms accepted only.

MORE ABOUT HER:
Outgoing, energetic, spontaneous, wild but responsible are the best words to describe me. Life is too short so the best way to take it is with a great attitude and a smile on your face. I love to rollerblading, lift weights and stay active as much as possible. Let get sweaty together but first please answer some questions below. It will only take a minute.


Questions to answer in your response to me:
~ Do you have a job that involves a paycheck and payment of taxes?

~ Are you wanted by the law?

~ Do you own a car?

~ If "Yes", does it run?

~ Is your car insured?

~ Do you have a valid drivers license?

~ Are you wanted by the IRS?

~ Are you married?
~ How many children do you really have?

~ Are there any women pregnant with your baby at this present time which would constitute an additional child?

~ Have you ever been arrested for stalking?

~ Do you have a place to live?

~ Is it without family or relatives?

~ Are you wanted by the FBI, CIA or any other government agency?

~ Do small furry animals frighten you?

~ Do you think you are a fictional fairy tale character King Arthur reborn to be with me Gwenivere - who miraculously was reborn in the same area of the world and time as you?

~ Are you afraid to swim in any body of water including a swimming pool because sharks may attack you?

~ Can you walk past a rug and not straiten all the fringes?

~ Does OCD run in your family?

~ How many mood altering drugs are you currently taking and what are the doses?

~ Are you currently training to be the next WWF wrestling champion and if so will I be the training gimp you pounce on?

~ Do you have anger management issues?

~ Do your friends and family trust you alone with children?

~ Have you ever tortured animals as a small child?

~ In a 100 word essay, please explain what the word "No" means to you.

~ Can your food touch?

~ Housework - is this a shared venture and do you know how to do it?

~ Does your mother still do your laundry?

~ Do you bathe once a day?

~ Do you brush your teeth?

~ Do you or have you ever had a mullet?

~ Do you think tight jeans are still hot?

~ Have you ever been in jail, prison, a workhouse, or home confinement requiring you to wear a ankle bracelet? If so, why?


I'm eager to see my choices!!! Any responses can be forward to: Kidjacque@yahoo.com *wink*