Your's truly is going to the fricken CHER concert!!! 31st row on the floor.
The last year, I was in a lot of physical pain. I lost touch with friends and family during this time because I couldn't travel. Phone calls were few because if I was home I was medicated or sleeping. I learned a whole lot about people during this time. A lot about myself too.
In recent months since my surgery I have been cleaning house so to speak. Deciding what and who I want in my life. I've changed. I feel for the better and because of that I've lost people I care about and they have lost me. It's been difficult and seems like a whole lot of drama bullshit has hit me at once. (Doesn't it always?) At times I wondere if I lost myself along the way and if I handled things best for me.
All my life, I've been pretty shy when it comes to how I feel deep within. Sure, I performed in front of hundreds when I competed with my accordion and I can get in front of a crowd and repeat some words but I never knew who I was until recently. I never knew who I wanted to be or who I wanted to associate with. I suppose that shyness came from having parents who were very quiet and not very active in a social way.
Struggling to find a place - I got myself mixed up with some pretty rough people along my journey. After years of dealing with many different abusive people I sought counseling. I had to do something to rebuild my self-esteem and value as a person. After seeing what I have seen in my past, after taking the abuse, after hearing the lies and after watching what I have - I have learned a lot about what people are really about. It comes down to this.....some people are real - others are not.
I'm a person who when I look in the mirror - I love myself. I'm real. I've learned that you can't truly be someone special until you are.
So did I lose me?? Not at all.
But sometimes when I see your kind on the street, at the meeting, in the store or even in my home, I wonder.... who are you?
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